A female-led relationship is any kind of relationship dynamic where the female takes a leading role - from occasional female control in intimate moments to female sexual domination (also called femdom) and female-led decision-making in all regards of life, female-led relationships, or FLRs, can describe it all. This departs from “traditional” relationships that tend to be male-driven or not feature power dynamics at all.
FLRs can be a beautiful experience for both partners, for women who like to take the lead and take over control, as well as for men who like to submit to their female partner’s powerful energy and decision-making in intimate moments or beyond.
Since they do not present the norm in society, however, FLRs are often tricky to find.
Although many people could actually like the concept, most people you know will likely never have heard about female-led relationships. They might have heard about BDSM, which is a wider set of interests around power and specific practices. FLRs are sometimes seen as part of BDSM, but admittedly, they don’t fit in as well as many of the fetishes that form the core of that scene.
In fact, a female-led relationship does not have to involve fetishes at all.
Apart from not being generally well known as a concept, female-led relationships can also be stigmatised in many communities, just like BDSM. Accordingly, it can feel hard to accept that you are curious about or into FLRs and it might seem best to hide your interest and not talk about it too openly.
Unfortunately, that makes dating even harder. Therefore, one of the best things you can do to increase your chances of finding an FLR is becoming ready to talk about it. You don’t have to drop it in every conversation and should not make it your personality but being comfortable with your interest and ready to talk about it freely and openly when the right moment comes not only is a relief for yourself but also makes it much more likely you can find what you are looking for.
Don’t be ashamed of yourself, female-led relationships are something beautiful and being interested in them in no way makes you weird or abnormal. It is just another interesting part of your life.
Now to the most important part of all, perhaps. How do you find one?
Here are four options, curated by our team which has tried them all.
These are social events that happen in public, usually in bars, pubs or restaurants. People come in everyday clothes to have everyday, non-kink conversations. While all individuals either have some or a specific kink or fetish, conversations are usually expected not to be about kink and non-sexual. These events are not for dating, they are for getting to know the scene and help beginners ease into the local BDSM or FLR community, while allowing experienced members to connect.
Munches happen around the world and are almost always organised by local groups. If you live in a bigger city, you can find specific FLR or Femdom munches, in more rural areas, you might have to attend an unspecific BDSM munch.
Fetish parties and clubs take place regularly in many bigger towns around the world. In large cities, you might even find specific Femdom parties.
These events often require you to wear Femdom-specific clothes and are in general most suited for you if you are already confident about your interest. Depending on event, they may allow more or less intimacy and involve more dancing or more play. They offer an opportunity to find a partner, but not more or less than other night clubs. If that’s your kind of thing, you might want to find out.
Fetlife is the original social network for kinky people. It is deeply rooted and widely popular in the BDSM community and many people who are into femdom and FLRs use it too. At the same time, it is neither a dating site (it is expressly not) nor does it present an atmosphere that everyone likes, with its dark desktop-centric interface, explicit content and slightly antiquated experience.
People who are into femdom and FLR have mixed opinions about Fetlife, many do not use it, but also many do. Best have a look for yourself.
Tinder and other common dating apps can work too, and are actually the first option on this list that is made for dating. At the same time, they are also the first that is not made for the kink community or female-led relationships. Tinder itself, for example, explicitly prohibits kink. Some people from the FLR community have still found success on these apps and you might want to try them too.
Chyrpe is a dating app specifically for female-led relationships. The goal is to provide an experience as modern and trustworthy as that on big dating apps but without all the people that are not looking for the same as you. Chyrpe features mandatory verification and specific features to facilitate successful female-led dating. Matching is not yet fully available globally but gradually launched in new cities and regions to ensure that people from each place can get a good experience.
There are some websites that claim to be for femdom, FLR and BDSM dating, but most of these are dodgy, scammy and/or don’t feature enough people to actually match them efficiently. We have decided not to put them on this list because they will not give you a good experience or actually help you find a relationship.
Finding a female-led relationship is possible both online and offline, despite challenges such as the low visibility of the community and stigmas surrounding it. Most of the solutions presented above actually are not mutually exclusive but rather add to each other. Many people in the community meet at munches, stay connected at Fetlife and find (play) partners on Chyrpe. You can find the mix you find most suitable for yourself because this is what this is all about. Your pleasure and success in dating.
